After four weeks of engaging in the course Graduate Certitificate of Research Methods I had to 'pull out.' It was not due to the usual things, like the structure of a course or the content, but rather it was due to my workload, which was providing incredibly small pockets of time that I felt was not enough for a research subject. I found that to be able to write a research paper, or even to just come up with a methodology and use Endnote, requires a lot of time and persistence. With my role working with the university, I found it was too difficult to do.
Research is a major committment of time. To research an area one must go through countless jounals and research papers to read about the area and gain insight into the research area. 'Situated research,' as it is called, requires a deep understanding of all aspects of the research area, from what the dimensions of the area are to what has been researched in the past and what new research needs to be done. I struggled with this last area, as the world of instructional design, as it appeared to me, seemed to have been studied 'to death.' As the weeks progressed I began to become concerned that I would not find a research area, and that my research would not contribute to the field, and merely be an 'add on' or, at the worst, a repeat. I thought about it for quite a few days, trying to ensure that I was not impulsive, and finally decided to withdraw.
Withdrawing from the subject brought immense relief, and after a few days, I realised that I would not have been able to continue with the subject. The two subjects that I was teaching with the university were demanding so much time, particularly due to emails and the creation of multimedia resources. The former and latter are both time consuming and not something that can be quickly done. I found that some students are also very demanding, and not as independent as I was when studying my bachelor in education. This is okay but when added to a study workload, it becomes difficult to manage. Some of the student demands are understandable as there are issues with course content and design (which I would have loved to be responsible for redesigning but it was not my role), and some are due to the student not taking the inititative to find the information themself or to at least work with other students to work through the area.
This experience has made me realise the pressure academics must go through when they not only have to teach their classes and design their courses but they also must engage in research and publish papers. If their not active in the 'research community' they will lose their tenure. I have heard some academics at university prefer the teaching side and others prefer the research side. However, I have not heard of many enjoying, or at least, happy about, having both roles, on top of all the other demands. My 'lecturer,' as I nickname her, as she is now my employer, and is responsible for giving me work at the university, is so busy that she is often uncontactable and clearly overwhelmed by the intense workload. She is the Director of Education but judging from conversations I have listened in on in the university's staffroom, it seems like 'overworked' and 'underpaid' is the mantra. These words are something that I am continually hearing within the education professions.
What I have most realised is that my passion to excel in a career is juxtaposed to my desire to 'have a life.' I realise now, with some wisdom and hindsight, that I don't want to be always working and studying without having any time to be with my family and friends. I realise that life is short, as cliche as that sounds, and spending it relentlessly researching an area, that may even be 'dying' (but more on that later), is not the wisest decision. I want to have a career that is both personally meaningful but also offers 'work-life balance.' As this wanting too much? Not if I am wise, after all it is my life, and it is the experiences that I am going to remember in years to come not how many degrees I acquired.
My son turned sixteen yesterday, so I painted a large banner with the words 'Happy 16th B'day,' hanged it up on the side of the main road going out of our suburb, and surprised him as we drove to have a nice lunch. He was thrilled and wanted to take a photo with the banner. I knew, as I was driving to the Promenade and seeing the joy in my son's face, that I would not have been able to do that if I had remained enrolled in the course. I had given up too many years and I didn't want my sons to grow up and only remember me working and studying.
For this reason, most of all, I am happy to put research on the backburner for a little while. I don't know if I will go back at this stage, as I am wondering whether research is 'overkill' in the early stages of the career. Perhaps in a future article I will discuss my thoughts on this.
No comments:
Post a Comment